Master put me on a punishment of sorts this week.. No social networking until he says i'm allowed. All communication goes through him. It kinda sucks but it was my fault. Hmmmm.. i don't even remember exactly what i did .. Oh yea- Alpha and Omega. i didn't abide by that rule so gotta deal with the consequences. i'm typing this blog but i won't post it till i ask cuz i'm not sure if one would consider this social networking. i me it is to an extent but not on the level of Facebook or nething. So by the time you read this it'll be a little old but oh well..
The good this is that i see him next week..... i can't wait. i get to make up for lost time. Not just for the sex part but for the reconnection. i'm feeling so disconnected from what W/we share. i'm very busy, working seven days a week, taking care of my son, family, bills, trying to take care of business. i feel old as hell, been getting sick, forgetful, lethargic, unable to concentrate and focus.. just so much bull shit. Not to mention stress. Its making my relationship suffer pretty badly. Some days, i just don't give a fuck about anything and i could care less, some days are very good but the roller coaster of emotions can be very intense.. and for some reason its really hard for me to regain my composure. You ever get the feeling the your screaming and crying your head off and no one can hear you? I feel like that almost everyday. Trying to please everyone and trying to keep up with doing the "right thing" is very hard. i know i cant please everyone but..lol.. i'm killing myself attempting to do that very thing. I feel like my negatives outweigh my positives. i have a huge problem with communication, always have. My lack of communication also adds to the strain of the relationship. He has never made me uncomfortable in a conversation, i just have such a hard time sharing my innermost feelings. He does read my mind sometimes but he really should not have to. i'm supposed to just willing talk about anything. He should not have to beg me for answers to his questions.. i know this.. i just don't know why this shit is so hard for me.
*sigh*
Yet and still through all this, Master he is very patient. with any of my wrong doings, of course i get tongue lashings, but he always believe that W/we must work harder.
He NEVER gives up on me.
He is always there when he knows i need him the most even though i don't accept the fact that He is always interested in my well being and he genuinely cares.
He is always strong when i cant be.
......... He means so much to me, i don't even have the words to begin to describe it. But if i love Him so.. why the hardships??
*sigh*
i need to go back to school.... i need to focus the negative energy to something positive. Plus i feel my intelligence fading. I aint calling myself stupid, I just need to get my brain back functioning outside of my job... i need a drink...
actually... i just need Him.
Sent on the Sprint® Now Network from my BlackBerry®
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