Absent

         Feeling "some type of way". i am feeling alot of emotions right now and i'm not sure im ready to handle them all. i need a drink or a controlled substance....

**sigh**....

           i dont really feel like talking... well i do but only to a stranger... someone that does not know my hiistory.. maybe they will be a little less likely to judge me. i really dont have much to say... dont even know why i am writing this.....

Thanksgiving II

#fistpump !! #thatisall

         ima make this quick, but i had a blast today! Master came over and met the fam. It went well... considering they were pretty much on their best behavior. i was kinda busy with helping out in the kitchen. Master said He was feeling a little left out. i'm not really a good hostess. I guess he probably thought i was leaving Him alone or deserting Him. Maybe He forgot that i can't help but to help someone when they need help.... and my aunt was pretty much doing everything by herself. I guess I could have did somethings a little better, idk. i'm always fuckin some shit up. i mean i was nervous but i mean.. lol.. i didn't know what to do. Master is the first and only guy (of importance) that has been brought home to my family. i don't know, i guess i could have been better at making sure he was more comfortable. i will do better next time. But anyway, W/we ate until we couldn't anymore, He parlayed with Granny (who likes him btw) , i gave him a little surprise gift, W/we watched movies in our makeshift home theater. Unfortunately all good things come to an end but my ending was... phenomenal. A quickie.. 45 mins (yea to U/us that's a quickie)of Him rubbing my clit till I was ready to squirt, me licking his dick a little, sitting on His lap and letting His dick penetrate my pussy as this angle that just......sent a shiver from the top of my head to my toes. Damn it was so good :D specially when He pinched n played with my nipples. He always knows what to do to get my body going. I love Him so much. Being able to have access to His Greatness..... that's something to be thankful for.


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Thanksgiving

       

          HEEEYYYYYYY! i'm feeling  better :)  And yourself? Well Thanksgiving is tomorrow. I cant wait till tommorow, not just for the food but because Master is coming over :D . Yea, my mom said I can bring some friends over if i wanted to and of course He was the first and only person that came to mind. So i told Him about it and He agreed to come. i'm a little nervous though just cuz my family is crazy as hell and they gonna be all in my business but when are they never not in my shit?? lol My mom and my aunt can't wait to meet Him and even my son got excited. You would thing Jesus himself was coming over... yea its that crazy but everyone is gonna have fun and such. i'm so happy i finally fave the holidays off this year. Its been a while since i have so i'm thankful for that. Well i'm supposed to be working... Ya'll aint finna make me get in trouble... hahaha.

Empty

         I feel useless. I went to see Master today. It could have been fun. But I always find a way to fuck shit up. That's my specialty.. Fuckin shit up. I did His hair, W/we say Megamind, which was awesome by the way. I'm not really gonna go into detail but things could have been better. It was my fault though.. Well and Panera Bread for fuckin my food up. I didn't have to get choked but it was my fault. And it was over something stupid that I tried to hide that I really didn't have to. I'm sorry it happened. I'm sorry for a lot of things. But instead of wallowing in sadness, I cover it up with anger, carelessness, aggressiveness, and hostility. And as usual, I push away the people that care about me most. I don't know why.. Maybe cuz everyone has their own problems. Maybe I am doing it as a form of self punishment, makin other people mad at me and forcing them away, which will leave me alone to continue to feel sorry for myself. I don't feel like myself. I mean I know people evolve as they get older... Things change. But I just feel like I am not me. Kinda like waking up and looking in the mirror and seeing your own reflection. I feel like I'm a stranger to myself. I won't lie. Master keeps me going. He has unrelentingly stuck by my side through thick and thin but sometimes, especially this past year it seem that I just keep fuckin shIt up. Sometimes I wanna just say fuck it and tell him to go because He really is a good Man and he deserves someone that can give him the world. I just feel like I don't have anything to offer anymore, like I'm not good enough. I am feeling to many emotions I don't know how to focus. I can't focus anymore. Master I doing his best to keep me on the right track.. But .. I don't even try anymore. I think I'm in the late stages of giving up on myself. I don't know what to do. I feel so stupid. I know Master is here to help whenever I need him. I just feel like I deserve to just..let my sorrows consume me and.. Hope for the best, if anything good can ever come out of that..

**sigh**..

How bout a game of Russian Roulette...??

I need you

Master got sick and was not feeling well.. He was actually very sick. He called me and my heart just kinda dropped when i heard His voice. i wish i could have been there with Him to help Him through it. i was really scared . i stayed on the phone curled up on the floor and made sure that He kept talking to me. i kept repeating His name over and over so He knew i was still with Him. He eventually started to slowly come back around. my phone started to die. i told Him i would turn my phone off to let it charge faster so that i could call Him back asap. While i waited for my phone to get some juice, i realized how much i needed Him. It just really became clear how deep O/our power exchange goes. Its beyond role playing in a scene. Its a continuous give and take of emotions that continue to make O/our bond stronger, deeper. i am so committed to Him. i really can't explain. i'm am very lucky to have Him as friend, confidant, Master.. More importantly as a definition of a real man. i feel like my existence greatly depends on Him.. He has that much affect on my life. And its all positive. i wouldn't trade O/our bond for anything in the world.


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The Wood

(This is an old post i found on my phone....)

*stretching* Good morning. i know its been awhile. Miss me much? No??!! What you mean :( oh well i have been working trying to make it. My birthday is next week.. Friday to be exact. Supposed to be spending a 3 day vacation with him. i can't wait. W/we were SUPPOSED to be celibate until then but ummm haha #fail. i went to see Master last night to cheer him up cuz he has been feeling down lately. i don't like to see Him that way at all so i said i would come just to give him a hug, you know... Be supportive. So W/we drove a little to the upper class side of town in front of a park. It was dark with plenty of trees- The woods. Climbed in the back seat. His body oil smelled good. i was just supposed to hug him for ten minutes. i took my shirt off cuz i didn't want to smell like work. HE touched me. i touched Him, next thing i know i'm straddled over Him. Lol He claims i raped him *ppssshh* i figured it didn't count since i didn't where a ski mask. But when He came.. ShhhAAAAAAAT!! Its was fucking good! i fucked my neck up but oh well it was worth it. i felt the vibrations from His body connect with mine. Rode Him harder. i came..He came..i came..He came..He came..He came. It was slow explosive it was unbelievable. i saw other galaxies the way He was stroking me... aaaah  the memories.... 


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