Complete the Following sentences..

I imagine myself as a slave being able to...totally submit,serve, and be everything to my Master so that he would want for anything. That He would have enough confidence in me to rely on me and know that i would not hesitate to cater to anything he wants.

As a slave, I wouldn't be allowed to..talk aback, be purposely disrespectful, raise my voice, or have a dominant attitude towards Master.

The idea that those things would be forbidden makes me feel...somewhat powerless because I'm not in control and i am used to having the upper hand in most cases.

Just once in my life, I'd like to...dominate someone the way Master ddominates me and to help them become a better person.

In my sexiest private fantasy, I...would be tied up and powerless in some type of dark dungeon and be forced to preform/withstand sexual acts or let myself and another woman sexually dominate Master (if He would allow such a thing).

I have a secret fetish for...necks/collarbones.

Being in a collar would make me feel...accomplished. Like i have proven myself worthy to have the opportunity to provide service to Master....To be officially "owned" is a big deal to me. It would be the equivalent of graduating/ getting a job promotion.

If I were forbidden to have an orgasm for a whole week, I'd...put that energy into writing, reading, or work on breathing and meditation exercises. i would also think about all the time Master has taken he time to please me physically and mentally and those thought would be my satisfaction.

When I masturbate, I often think of...how Master always takes his time to please me...how i please him...All the emotions involved along with the awesome memories attached to those feelings.


I'd like to learn how to...be of better service, become a better person, open up more/communicate better.


Serving my Master in public would make me feel...adventurous. Its will probably make onlookers curious and I could share my story and recruit. It can also make a great showcase.


My most erotic memory is...The Lake Pt.1. Master broke my orgasm virginity. i literally felt like i had an out of body experience. i saw, felt, heard things i never have before in my life. People always talk about being on "Cloud 9"... That day i checked in and have been there ever since.And how could I forget .... That July 4th....

I first learned about erotic slavehood when...I stumbled upon an erotic story of a house slave many years ago just browsing the web. Don't remember the story in detail but it opened the door to BDSM.

My favorite book is...The Art of Shen Ku/ The Coldest Winter Ever

My favorite movie is... Wille Wonka and The Chocolate Factory (old school version)

In my free time, I most often reflect on... pleasant memories or daydream

The thing I find the most attractive in other people is... Their confidence.

My highest priority in life is...my son, my future.

Sometimes I doubt I'll ever be able to...meet all the goals I set for my self career wise, educational wise, etc.

I think most of my romantic involvements have been...a fail.... used and abused. That's a section in my life i wish i could omit and do over but i cant. So i just block it out and pretend it never happened, replace bad memories with good daydreams and pretend it was my reality.

In the past, I was ashamed of...being a failure..being a fuck up. i still feel that way sometimes. That even my best is not good enough. Maybe that mindset pushes me harder.

I feel I've come to terms with...the fact that the past cannot be changed.

If there's one negative emotion I can't handle, it's...insecurity. i battle it everyday.

When a person raises their voice to me, I...want to choke the shit out of them.

The three things I associate with silence are...meditation, peace, serenity

P.S. - I love Christmas


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For the curious...

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Polyamory

LOVE: share it

i found this useful article for those who are involved in "open"/ alternative relationships. It definitely a great reference. In a nutshell, it tells you how to deal with jealousy from either party in the relationship. i was not always involved in an alternative relationship, the one im in now is my first. i won't lie- at tiems it gets very hard for me to deal with the fact that i have to be willing to "share the love". Sometimes i am insecure about whether i have what it takes to continue in the relationship.. whether or not i'm pretty enough, smart enough, out going enough as compared to the "competition". ive have realized that it really not about competing at all. its just a fact of being willing to give, share, and expand the feelings to the people that are truly deserving of it. Check it out... 



http://www.cat-and-dragon.com/stef/Poly/Labriola/jealousy.html

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The NeXXXt level...

         Man i am hella tired.. im at work draggin my ass like shit but my fatigue still makes me smile. Master and i hung out all yesterday. It was such an awesome experience. W/we ate, did a lil drivin, a lil wishful window shoppin, got attacked by flies, went to about 25325 different Gamestop stores, sat in the park watching the passersby, looked at some fly ninja gear,the lamest sex shop ever, cringed at some greasy ass cheesecake, Sat at the lake and watched Ms.Pretty- in-pink and the Black Cougar jog...

Watched the sun set till the moon took its place....

"There they go" did a drive-by...

Time to go!

        Then W/we got lifted.. i felt vibrations flowing throughout my body. Master helped me to tap into and and feed off the Universe's energy.W/we breathed, W/we laughed cracked the hell up, ascended even higher past the stars, W/we used our ninja stealth to blend in with the darkness, got crunchies for O/our munchies and at the end of the night departed tired as hell but it was all worth it. It was another night of random adventures that i enjoyed and will always remember. i really need to get a camcorder to record this shit hahaha....i know it sounds cheezy but the crazy, unplanned, on a whim type moments are the best.  try not to plan, just let shit happen the way it wants to. Its the moments like these i hold dear.. not so much the big things but the lil memorable shit that takes place. i always look back and smile cuz i know that it could not have been any better with anyone else.

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Good girl gone bad....der??

       Master put me on a punishment of sorts this week.. No social networking until he says i'm allowed. All communication goes through him. It kinda sucks but it was my fault. Hmmmm.. i don't even remember exactly what i did .. Oh yea- Alpha and Omega. i didn't abide by that rule so gotta deal with the consequences. i'm typing this blog but i won't post it till i ask cuz i'm not sure if one would consider this social networking. i me it is to an extent but not on the level of Facebook or nething. So by the time you read this it'll be a little old but oh well..


       The good this is that i see him next week..... i can't wait. i get to make up for lost time. Not just for the sex part but for the reconnection. i'm feeling so disconnected from what W/we share. i'm very busy, working seven days a week, taking care of my son, family, bills, trying to take care of business. i feel old as hell, been getting sick, forgetful, lethargic, unable to concentrate and focus.. just so much bull shit. Not to mention stress. Its making my relationship suffer pretty badly. Some days, i just don't give a fuck about anything and i could care less, some days are very good but the roller coaster of emotions can be very intense.. and for some reason its really hard for me to regain my composure. You ever get the feeling the your screaming and crying your head off and no one can hear you? I feel like that almost everyday. Trying to please everyone and trying to keep up with doing the "right thing" is very hard. i know i cant please everyone but..lol.. i'm killing myself attempting to do that very thing. I feel like my negatives outweigh my positives. i have a huge problem with communication, always have. My lack of communication also adds to the strain of the relationship. He has never made me uncomfortable in a conversation, i just have such a hard time sharing my innermost feelings. He does read my mind sometimes but he really should not have to. i'm supposed to just willing talk about anything. He should not have to beg me for answers to his questions.. i know this.. i just don't know why this shit is so hard for me.

*sigh*

Yet and still through all this, Master he is very patient. with any of my wrong doings, of course i get tongue lashings, but he always believe that W/we must work harder.

He NEVER gives up on me.
He is always there when he knows i need him the most even though i don't accept the fact that He is always interested in my well being and he genuinely cares.
He is always strong when i cant be.

......... He means so much to me, i don't even have the words to begin to describe it. But if i love Him so.. why the hardships??

*sigh*

i need to go back to school.... i need to focus the negative energy to something positive. Plus i feel my intelligence fading. I aint calling myself stupid, I just need to get my brain back functioning outside of my job... i need a drink...

actually... i just need Him.


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RR #1 ( Random Rant #1)

           Greetings :) Are you enjoying the heatwave? Its 90- something degrees.. And i'm have on all black everything but only cuz its work related. i'm work now.. My bad breathed partner is driving. i allowed my mind to wander.. Imagining and contemplating. Its fun to imagine the impossible. You should try it. Its like taking a mini vacation. i was thinkin about getting married. My dream was to be married by 30 and have all children by 32. As i get closer to the big 3-0 i realize that it might not happen. i know its cool to be single blah blah blah. But at the end of the day, after a long day i wanna come home to love, sensual kisses, and bear hugs. With the exception of living arrangements, i get what i need. He never gives up on me, He will listen, touch me, punish me, love me.... But that attention is shared and I don't know how long it will last. At the same time, i knew what i was getting into in the beginning... i'm just not sure if i should place all my confidence is something that may not last a lifetime. im not saying i don't believe in what W/we share but i guess my insecurities are getting the best of me- the fear of he unknown....

i have to let go because i feel its holding me back from something grand...i don't wanna miss out


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Lately...

Feeling blue.
Feeling out of touch.
Feeling lost.
Feel like Im at some crossroad but I dont know which direction to turn.


So should a pray to God for a devine intervention? Or depend on the universe to reverse the negative energies?


Or should I just figure this out on my own?


I feel like I deserve these thing for my past wrongs. So I cant be mad... I guess what don't kill you makes you stronger and I need that strength.


Eyes hurt from crying...
But tears cleanse the soul.


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