-Master
Monday, December 27, 2010
Things i can't stand
There is one thing i cannot stand. Well more than one thing but... the one that irks me the most is the feeling of being compared to someone else. Majority of my life i felt like other people were always comparing my bad mistakes to someone else's "goodness". For example my getting bad grades in school was always: "Why can't you have good grades like so and so. She made the honor roll.. what wrong with you?" or when i was going through my "troublesome" teenage years it was like "Why cant you act like such and such's daughter?? She"s such a great example of a young lady. Why don't you try hanging around her?" or in relationships "Why can you act/do things like ___ did/does/used to?" Maybe its just me being paranoid or.. i don't know. To some people, that type of thing motivates them to become better, encourages them to work hard and shine so they can become the standard everyone else looks up to and prove others wrong. me... its the opposite. Comparing me to someone else will make me not give a fuck. I wont care about how you feel or how you want me to be. In fact, I may become worse because i feel like you are not willing to accept me for me; a person who makes mistakes, who will fuck something up from time to time because that's what humans do.
I guess im just too emotional. Certain things should not affect me the way that they do but some times my emotions take me back to a very dark place that i wish not to be. Its some things that i continue to struggle with everyday. It is my demon, my darkness, my alter ego. *shrug* i guess ill get over it one day....
I guess im just too emotional. Certain things should not affect me the way that they do but some times my emotions take me back to a very dark place that i wish not to be. Its some things that i continue to struggle with everyday. It is my demon, my darkness, my alter ego. *shrug* i guess ill get over it one day....
Recap: BDsm 101
BDsM 101: Forms of address.
Not so much for the Master/Dom but, for the bottom/slave. Its important that the bottom/slave show the utmost respect to their Top but utilizing the proper form of address as directed by their superior. This proves devotion, loyalty,humility and shows that the bottom acknowledges the Dominants partner's higher status. Most Tops require to be addressed properly at all times and may even have alternative exceptions depending on place and time.
BDsM 101: Importance of Honor, Friendship, Humility, and Integrity in a relationship
A BDSM relationship is comprised of many separate entities working together to become one great power. It takes more than just the action of being Dominant and submissive. There are building blocks that are a necessity to make a relationship work, whether you are taking part in this lifestyle or whether you are involved in a "vanilla" relationship. Both Top/bottom parties must have trust in each other. Both parties must be totally honest or the relationship will fail. Hence, trust and respect will be established by having a solid friendship first. In my opinion, as eager as either or both parties may be to engage in a BDsM relationship, it should not be rushed. Take time to fully understand and study the way you function as individuals. This may take months or even years but i believe it will maximize the full potential of whatever one may seek to gain from the union. A bottom needs to express open and forthright to the Top any emotional struggles/concerns . Failure to do so may confuse the Top and there can be misunderstandings of what the bottom may really need. Avoid giving mixed signals. A bottom should never respond to his/her Top's inquiries with what he/she thinks the Top want to hear but should only respond with honest and truthful responses to ensure that both parties are fully in sync with each other at all times. Failure to do so can break connections within the relationship and weaken the bond. On another note, a Top is not obligated to disclose any information to the bottom as long as whatever He/She does share is truthful. A bottom's behavior should reflect that of the Top's at all times. A sub should always be more than happy to complete tasks set for him/her by their Dom. A subs consistent attentiveness and positive attitude toward the Dom is what others judge the relationship by. Those on the outside looking in will be impressed at the devotion of the sub and the power of the Dom. A healthy relationship will never be ignored or passed off. It is admired even when you think no one notices. A successful relationship, especially one with a long history is a great accomplishment. It proves the fidelity of both parties, that one one is willing to give up on the other, to push for bigger and better things, to reach way beyond set goals.
Not so much for the Master/Dom but, for the bottom/slave. Its important that the bottom/slave show the utmost respect to their Top but utilizing the proper form of address as directed by their superior. This proves devotion, loyalty,humility and shows that the bottom acknowledges the Dominants partner's higher status. Most Tops require to be addressed properly at all times and may even have alternative exceptions depending on place and time.
BDsM 101: Importance of Honor, Friendship, Humility, and Integrity in a relationship
A BDSM relationship is comprised of many separate entities working together to become one great power. It takes more than just the action of being Dominant and submissive. There are building blocks that are a necessity to make a relationship work, whether you are taking part in this lifestyle or whether you are involved in a "vanilla" relationship. Both Top/bottom parties must have trust in each other. Both parties must be totally honest or the relationship will fail. Hence, trust and respect will be established by having a solid friendship first. In my opinion, as eager as either or both parties may be to engage in a BDsM relationship, it should not be rushed. Take time to fully understand and study the way you function as individuals. This may take months or even years but i believe it will maximize the full potential of whatever one may seek to gain from the union. A bottom needs to express open and forthright to the Top any emotional struggles/concerns . Failure to do so may confuse the Top and there can be misunderstandings of what the bottom may really need. Avoid giving mixed signals. A bottom should never respond to his/her Top's inquiries with what he/she thinks the Top want to hear but should only respond with honest and truthful responses to ensure that both parties are fully in sync with each other at all times. Failure to do so can break connections within the relationship and weaken the bond. On another note, a Top is not obligated to disclose any information to the bottom as long as whatever He/She does share is truthful. A bottom's behavior should reflect that of the Top's at all times. A sub should always be more than happy to complete tasks set for him/her by their Dom. A subs consistent attentiveness and positive attitude toward the Dom is what others judge the relationship by. Those on the outside looking in will be impressed at the devotion of the sub and the power of the Dom. A healthy relationship will never be ignored or passed off. It is admired even when you think no one notices. A successful relationship, especially one with a long history is a great accomplishment. It proves the fidelity of both parties, that one one is willing to give up on the other, to push for bigger and better things, to reach way beyond set goals.
Team work makes the dream work.
In a past blog, i wrote about being part of the bigger picture in relation to "The Greater Good". My Master believes that W/we should continuously find ways to make his "empire" work and expand. Of course this means adding people to make this thing work. I wont go to much more into detail about "The Greater Good", but if u are interested, Master can be contacted via @8PathZen on twitter. But my point is having more willing participants will bring about the success that W/we seek in great leaps and bounds. Those who choose to be apart of His Dominion will be supplied with all the tools they need to become a better, stronger individual. Think Maslow's hierarchy of human needs: physiological needs, safety and security, love and belongingness, ego self esteem, and self actualization. He is 100% real, always honest, is the epitome of a man that every woman ever wanted.
What does it take? Hunger and eagerness to please, submission, loyalty, obedience,devotion, and having ambition to make the dream come true. Want to learn more? Inquire within.
What does it take? Hunger and eagerness to please, submission, loyalty, obedience,devotion, and having ambition to make the dream come true. Want to learn more? Inquire within.
Caution: This is a life changing decision. Things will never be the same. Don't inquire if your stuck on carrying on with life's bullshit. This is only for those who are willing to open their eyes that have been blinded by the world and want to fully acquire their fullest potential. Get with the program.
Tuesday, December 21, 2010
Total Lunar Eclipse during Winter Solstice 12-21-10
This picture was taken while the moon was full before the actual eclipse started. The moon was too dark for me to snap a pic of it from my phone so i took this right before. It was beautiful. The way the bugs are attracted to the fluorescent lights that zap and kill them, thats how i reacted tot the moon. I just could not stop looking, especially when it started turning this beautiful amber-reddish color. I also felt very energized and felt some kind of aura, similar to when Master and i experience power exchange. He felt the same wat too. W/we were texting each other back and forth...Too bad the next one will be in 2094 when im dead and gone. But at least i lived to see this :)
Sent on the Sprint® Now Network from my BlackBerry®
It gets better...
i went to see Him today. It was a short visit. W/we watched pimpin movies. i gave Him his pre -Christmas gifts. i was still feeling down. i didn't want to but the way i been feeling for the past few weeks combined with the fact that he was holding me close, and touching me and all that became overwhelming for a bit. i was just frustrated with our minor disagreements that always turn into huge arguments. i was mad at myself because i often feel like i have failed or that i am failing in life. i admit that i am also pushing my frustration out on others at times. These feelings are just really hard to deal with. Working everyday with no days off is not helping either cuz both of my jobs become very stressful at times, more often than not. But anyway i'm glad i saw Him. i'm not 100% better but I do feel like He absorbed some of my negative energy and gave me some of his strength, at least enough so i can get through a 24 hour period with out crying.
Sent on the Sprint® Now Network from my BlackBerry®
Sent on the Sprint® Now Network from my BlackBerry®
:(
I feel like I'm losing it. Too much. My sanity is slipping. I feel it. The feeling of screaming at the top of my lungs but no one hears me. Sometimes, I get tired of pulling it together. I'm tired of being so strong. I get angry so fast now. Everything makes me cry. Really sucks when I'm at work and tears just start rolling down my cheek. My body is in autopilot. Sometimes I get in my car and next thing I know, I'm home, don't even remember driving. *sigh* my heart hurts. Been hurting for awhile but I have always been able to suppress the bad feelings. Nowadays it gets harder and harder. Tired. Being pulled in so many direction everyday
......
What have I become? Where/what am I?
Sent on the Sprint® Now Network from my BlackBerry®
......
What have I become? Where/what am I?
Sent on the Sprint® Now Network from my BlackBerry®
Tuesday, December 14, 2010
Sunday, December 12, 2010
PunisHER
i have a thing for pain. Its my source of pleasure. i do not wish to displease my Master, but sometimes i look forward to the repercussions. It turns me on when He grabs me rough and chokes me and reminds me that i'm a bitch and i need to stay in my place. i don't want to make Him mad, but something is so attractive about Him when He is scolding and giving me physical discipline. i'm addicted to His power and passion. O/our power exchange is a beautiful thing. W/we thrive so much off of each other that it sometimes seems as though we are dependant on each other to exist. Ok maybe that may be a little far fetched but you have to be in my shoes to understand where i'm coming from.
Sent on the Sprint® Now Network from my BlackBerry®
Sent on the Sprint® Now Network from my BlackBerry®
Tuesday, December 7, 2010
From the beginning.....
i received some new instructions from Master. i'll get into that later. i found this email i'm gonna post in the next few lines. This is how it all started....
i believe that i have been introduced to a new chapter in my life that i am very eager to take part of. i've always wanted to engadge in having the oppurtunity to submit to someone comfortable enough to dominate me ... even if it is against my own will. This some what "secret" lifestyle will give me the oppurtunity to totally use myself for the satisfaction of someone else. i am very sassy and can be outspoken and love to have the upper hand majority of the time. i would enjoy going through the process of having someone "tame" me and use me for their own personal pleasure. Though this is not something i will do as a permanent role, i am more than willing to take on my role as necessary and at the request of my dominator. i have started doing research on the topic of BSDM and though i dont agree with everything, i am facinated with the unknown pleasure i can recieve from this experience.
In going into my role as a submissive, i want to be put into my "subspace" so i can be at my most comfortable and relaxed state in preperation for me to fulfill what my dominant want me to do. I want to be rewarded well for my good deeds and punished well for my bad deeds.i accept that i will be physically punished and called what ever my dominant feels i should be addressed as during that time if im bad and i am willing to accept. i accept punishment if my dominant feels i am trying to willfully act on my own feelings/actions or if i willfully go against rules. i at no time want to feel that i am in control. i want the illusion that my very existance depends on that of the one who controls me.
I have researched terms of the BSDM world that held intrest to me:
Gag ball: A device used to prevent a sub from speaking or crying out.
Bondage: Technique used to render a submissive physically helpless.
Bottom: A person who recieves pain or bondage in an SM scene
Breath Control: A form of edgeplay in which the top restricts the bottom's ability to breathe by constricting the neck of blocking mouth/nose.
Collar: Worn around the neck, signifies ownership;wearer is property of dominant
Collaring ceremony: Domplaces collar on sub as a formalized commitment
Erotic Power Exchange: Two partners exchange power in an erotic setting.
Head play: AKA mind play, mind fucking, head games-any kind of manipulation by dom that hieghtens anticipation and fear in an emtionally masochistic bottom in which intensifies the bottom's ertoic response. Includes verbal abuse or complex senerios that confuse/surprise bottom into deeper subspace.
Masochism: Ability to derive pleasure form pain.
Power exchange: consensual transfer of power from sub to dom. Exchange takes place when returned energy from dom empowers submissive
SAM(smart ass masochist):A sub who knowingly misbehaves in order to recieve attention.
Subspace: A trance-like state of mind and body the sub experiences during a scene.
As of yesterday Dec. 11,2008, upon the consent of my dom, i (un)offcially offer my self to commence the role of a subbmissive upon the request of my dominant.
Although Master and i have been knowing each other for almost 10 years, the BDsM part of O/our relationship is within these past 3 years or so. Itss really cool that we had a well estabblished friendship before wW/we got into the lifestyle. It helps up maintain the bonds W/we share. Even if i one day decide that this lifestyle is no longer what i want, Master and i will still remain the best of friends.
Over the next few days, i will be posting emails that i sent to Master when our D/s relationship began. It was back when i was "hungry" for what i wanted. Reading them again is helpful so that i wont forget how eager i was to please Him and meet His needs..
i believe that i have been introduced to a new chapter in my life that i am very eager to take part of. i've always wanted to engadge in having the oppurtunity to submit to someone comfortable enough to dominate me ... even if it is against my own will. This some what "secret" lifestyle will give me the oppurtunity to totally use myself for the satisfaction of someone else. i am very sassy and can be outspoken and love to have the upper hand majority of the time. i would enjoy going through the process of having someone "tame" me and use me for their own personal pleasure. Though this is not something i will do as a permanent role, i am more than willing to take on my role as necessary and at the request of my dominator. i have started doing research on the topic of BSDM and though i dont agree with everything, i am facinated with the unknown pleasure i can recieve from this experience.
In going into my role as a submissive, i want to be put into my "subspace" so i can be at my most comfortable and relaxed state in preperation for me to fulfill what my dominant want me to do. I want to be rewarded well for my good deeds and punished well for my bad deeds.i accept that i will be physically punished and called what ever my dominant feels i should be addressed as during that time if im bad and i am willing to accept. i accept punishment if my dominant feels i am trying to willfully act on my own feelings/actions or if i willfully go against rules. i at no time want to feel that i am in control. i want the illusion that my very existance depends on that of the one who controls me.
I have researched terms of the BSDM world that held intrest to me:
Gag ball: A device used to prevent a sub from speaking or crying out.
Bondage: Technique used to render a submissive physically helpless.
Bottom: A person who recieves pain or bondage in an SM scene
Breath Control: A form of edgeplay in which the top restricts the bottom's ability to breathe by constricting the neck of blocking mouth/nose.
Collar: Worn around the neck, signifies ownership;wearer is property of dominant
Collaring ceremony: Domplaces collar on sub as a formalized commitment
Erotic Power Exchange: Two partners exchange power in an erotic setting.
Head play: AKA mind play, mind fucking, head games-any kind of manipulation by dom that hieghtens anticipation and fear in an emtionally masochistic bottom in which intensifies the bottom's ertoic response. Includes verbal abuse or complex senerios that confuse/surprise bottom into deeper subspace.
Masochism: Ability to derive pleasure form pain.
Power exchange: consensual transfer of power from sub to dom. Exchange takes place when returned energy from dom empowers submissive
SAM(smart ass masochist):A sub who knowingly misbehaves in order to recieve attention.
Subspace: A trance-like state of mind and body the sub experiences during a scene.
As of yesterday Dec. 11,2008, upon the consent of my dom, i (un)offcially offer my self to commence the role of a subbmissive upon the request of my dominant.
Although Master and i have been knowing each other for almost 10 years, the BDsM part of O/our relationship is within these past 3 years or so. Itss really cool that we had a well estabblished friendship before wW/we got into the lifestyle. It helps up maintain the bonds W/we share. Even if i one day decide that this lifestyle is no longer what i want, Master and i will still remain the best of friends.
Over the next few days, i will be posting emails that i sent to Master when our D/s relationship began. It was back when i was "hungry" for what i wanted. Reading them again is helpful so that i wont forget how eager i was to please Him and meet His needs..
Friday, December 3, 2010
By George, i think i've got it!!
Hello friends. i've been busy, busy, busy with work and all. Life is blah.. well, i guess it could be worse though. On the bright side, i have decided to start school again. It's been damn near 10 years and i feel like im not doing enough in life. So starting in the spring of this year, i will at least take a class. i really wanna learn and become proficient in ASL. Pay is great and plus i will be certified in another language and thats pretty cool.
Master and i are doing ok. The past few weeks have been kind of up and down mostly due to me. Iono... i have this rebellion thing going on and im not really sure why. i think its because i miss him so much. i miss O/our power exchanges and frequent adventures. i will admit that sometimes i do crave punishments, which Master happens to be extremely good at (bittersweet). i actually saw Him last night after i got off of work. my attitude wasn't right and i was determined to make some kind of point and somewhat set Him straight. lol! What a fail. Who do i think i am right? He let me pick out my punishment tool, then He gave me the biggest embrace, then commenced with bringing the pain. Then He hugged me again afterwards. And we talked, touched, played, He pulled and twisted my nipples so hard that i came and bit my neck so hard it left a bruise but it feels so good.. He had me feeling good...i had Him feeling good. He kissed the back of my neck and i had no idea how stimulated my body got when He did that. I literally felt shock waves surge through my body. It was almost too much to handle. He pulled me into the bathroom, kissed the back of my neck while pinching my nipples so hard but it felt so fucking good. With me facing the wall he pulled me closer, grabbed my neck and fucked me so good while he choked me. my pussy was so wet as He slid His dick in and out of me, i bent over even more so that he could penetrate me even deeper. *sigh* :) i am all smiles... It was sad to leave Him though, that's the worst part of seeing Him. Oh!!!! Did i mention that He gave me gifts? He bought the 100 position Sex Bible >:D annnnd He got me a card but i asked Him if he could keep it and write something special in it:)
Wow i kinda got way off subject but the whole reason i wrote was because i finally came up with a concept for my tattoo, in which i wanted to incorporate my BDSM lifestyle. Of course i have to run it through Master first to see if He approves, but i am confident that He will. Oh look... there He is texting me now ....
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