Things i can't stand

         There is one thing i cannot stand. Well more than one thing but... the one that irks me the most is the feeling of being compared to someone else. Majority of my life i felt like other people  were always comparing my bad mistakes to someone else's "goodness". For example my getting bad grades in school was always: "Why can't you have good grades like so and so. She made the honor roll.. what wrong with you?" or when i was going through my "troublesome" teenage years it was like "Why cant you act like such and such's daughter?? She"s such a great example of a young lady. Why don't you try hanging around her?" or in relationships "Why can you act/do things like ___ did/does/used to?" Maybe its just me being paranoid or.. i don't know. To some people, that type of thing motivates them to become better, encourages them to work hard and shine so they can become the standard everyone else looks up to and prove others wrong. me... its the opposite. Comparing me to someone else will make me not give a fuck. I wont care about how you feel or how you want me to be. In fact, I may become worse because i feel like you are not willing to accept me for me; a person who makes mistakes, who will fuck something up from time to time because that's what humans do.

          I guess im just too emotional. Certain things should not affect me the way that they do but some times my emotions take me back to a very dark place that i wish not to be. Its some things that i continue to struggle with everyday. It is my demon, my darkness, my alter ego. *shrug* i guess ill get over it one day....