Le Sigh

 It has been awhile, yes i know. i have been going through alot with work, personal life, and the relationship between myself and my Master. Work has been work really. Home life has been up and down. Personal life... well... honestly, i have not been doing my best. i have been so over burdened with work and home that i have been neglecting the requests that my Master makes. Some days i just don't give a fuck about anything. Some days i just want to cry because i feel so empty but other days i feel really good and confident. i feel that my emotions are getting the best of me. The are alot stronger for some reason and im alot more sensitive overall.
      
      Master bbm'd me something last night that just really made me feel low and somewhat worthless. He basically said that i always say that i would do better,, but i never show him that i can be better. He also said that i always change subjects when talking about something i am not comfortable with. Sad but true i guess. i guess change wont really come until i believe in myself that i can evolve into a better me. He believes that deep down inside of my very being, that i am a goddess. He always believes in me and he tells me this all the time. But no matter what he says, will have to believe in myself, believe that i am capable of becoming a better individual. Its sounds easy but i battle with low self esteem, self worth, and poor self image. Master does give me all the tools i need to become better and recognize that i am worth so much m ore than i think that i am. The Tantra book He loaned me helps because it has alot of positive affirmations that i can repeat every day. Its kinda hard that W/we dontlive together. i feel that life would be alot easier if he were physically here to guide me. Phone convo is good but.... its not really enough. But W/we have to do what W/we hav to do for now until things get to where they need to be.

      i just cant wait until i can see myself the way Master sees me... a powerful Queen.